Ah those random car stories. We’ve all got them ready to share around the campfire, huddling beneath thick blankets and roasting marshmallows on twigs.
But this is the COVID era, and that means you’ve probably not gone camping since the turn of the year. Never fear, Mikaniki are always here to lift up your day with hot rod tales of misfiring exhaust pipes and stalling on the highway with three iguanas and a hitchhiker named Jack.
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Here are a few stories to get us started:
Ka Boom
I was visiting a friend of mine in Nairobi, Kenya and on the day I arrived, he picked me up in his silver automatic 2010 Impreza, fitted out with a giant ass subwoofer that sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t.
We headed out to the mall, as one would do in any foreign country, and here’s the thing. Out there, they have police checks for every car before you enter the parking. Oh boy.
The guards flashed their lights into the cabin, did a once over of the car’s bottom, and then reached the boot. My friend popped it open, and the guard froze.
“What’s this?” he asked bluntly. My pal explained it was a subwoofer to amplify sound, to which the guard responded “show me.” If there was ever a bad time for a subwoofer not to work, it was then.
You can forgive the guard for radioing back up, I mean here he had a giant box with the words KaBoom on it (the sub’s brand). That day, the old Subaru wound up in a special bomb defusing facility, and my buddy and I walked home munching on charred corn on a cob.
The prank that backfired
So one time (in band camp), I was sitting in my Jag with a friend, when we noticed his dad on the road (driving his own car). We decided to follow him and play a prank (not sure what the prank was).
In the process, the primary coolant pipe burst, spilling coolant all over the engine. It started to overheat and that’s when we noticed steam coming out the bonnet.
The car didn’t stall, but when we popped the bonnet open, the entire engine was covered in orange/brown stains and dripping orange coolant. A minor fix, but a lesson learned in trying to prank your friend’s dad.
Round wrench in a square bolt
I was headed for a club on a night out, when I realised my car’s alignment was off. Yep, it was a flat. Luckily the club was just a couple of minutes away, and so we didn’t bother pulling up on the curb.
We reached in one piece, and saw the damage. Rear left, no mistaking it. Out came the jack, the spare and the lug wrench, and that’s when it struck me. It was the wrong wrench. My friend’s driver told us to leave with him, that he’d find a way, but seriously, it’s 1 AM, nowhere’s open, what was he going to do?
The DJ spun some sick beats to get my mind off things, and a couple of hours and lots of Tiesto later, I entered the parking lot to a remarkable sight. There was my car, and there was no flat. I asked my friend’s driver how he’d achieved this seemingly impossible feat, and all he said was “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” If only he had a calling card for the next time something like this happened, but I’m sure he’s got better things to do like chauffeuring his boss’s kids around town for a good time.
Exhaust-ing work
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about performance mods, it’s to get ones that actually do your car good. Wish I could say the same for my friend.
One fine morning, he rings me up and says he’s just picked his car up from the garage, and he’s in love with it. He asks if I want to take her for a spin, to which I agree (I was curious to see what he’d done to the car).
He comes round to pick me up, and yep, it looks like it’s been through a very bad episode of Pimp My Ride. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the body kit looked flimsy, the big rims wouldn’t do him any favours, the vinyl stickers were just tacky and the worst for last: a massive exhaust box that literally made his car sag (one bump and that ‘beautiful’ body kit was done for).
Anyhow, out we go, and he decides to take us off road. Should have seen it coming. The exhaust didn’t let us circumvent any rocks, and the onus was on me to climb out, lift the exhaust up for him to then roll on ahead, sometimes even hauling whole rocks out of the way. It was slow work, and I was shattered by the end of it. The highlight was definitely when we actually did hit a bump and that brand new body kit scraped the road surface. Next time, get some new suspensions instead buddy!
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