Mikaniki’s guide to the Champions League Round of 16

The Champions League is back this week, and we couldn’t be more excited about it. Sure it’s going to be a little different this year, what with COVID and all. I mean, we should already have a winner by now, but it’s August and we’re still playing the round of 16.

Just a reminder that Atalanta, RB Leipzig, Atletico Madrid and PSG are already through to the next round.

Some of you have lost touch with reality, so here’s a recap of who’s playing whom this week, done the Mikaniki way.

Juventus Vs Lyon

When and where: Turin, Friday 07/08/2020 at 23:00 GST

First leg recap

It’s not everyday that a team takes a 1 – 0 surplus into the second leg against Juventus. No sir. But Lyon shocked us all with a commendable performance, capped off by Tousart meeting a cut back to fire the French side ahead.

Nevertheless, any team that steps on Turin turf will have to be prepared to face a star-studded side that includes veteran Goalie GiGi Buffon, Argentine dynamo Paulo Dybala and, of course, one of the greatest of all time, Cristiano Ronaldo.

Form

Lyon have caught Juventus at the wrong time. The Bianconeri lifted the Serie A trophy last month, but have suffered back to back defeats as Ciro Immobile pipped CR7 to the European Golden Boot. He’ll definitely be raring to go, with his eye for goal and NBA-like leap.

Lyon, meanwhile, come off an absolute bludgeoning in the French Cup, losing 1 – 5 to PSG, added to a Ligue 1 defeat to Lille. Will they park the bus and defend relentlessly to protect Tousart’s home goal?

Player to watch and his cars

We’ve already mentioned him, but Cristiano Ronaldo will definitely take centre stage, as he looks to steer his side back from one down to progressing into the quarters.

Ronaldo has belied his 35 years, scoring 46 goals for club and country in the 2019/2020 season, and doesn’t look like slowing down any time soon.

We all know that the big names have some real beauties tucked away in their garages. Put it this way, Cristiano Ronaldo’s least expensive car is a Mercedes-Benz C220 CDI, which still goes for around £39,000.

Turns out that CR7 has just added the most expensive car in the world to his repertoire. Yep, he’s one of 10 folks who owns a Bugatti La Voiture Noire, valued at 8.5 million Euros. Not a bad way to celebrate Juve’s 36th championship.

The La Voiture Noire, or black car, has a monstrous 8L Quad Turbocharged W16 engine delivering all of 1500 ponies. Bugatti are no strangers to 16-cylinder beasts, but for the La Voiture Noire, they’ve used sequential turbochargers, so instead of 4 equally-sized turbos simultaneously being awakened as in its predecessors, this new engine keeps two smaller turbines spinning and ready to make the boost.

All we know is that CR7 will never be late for practice.

Manchester City Vs Real Madrid

When and where: City of Manchester Stadium, Friday 07/08/2020 at 23:00 GST

First Leg Recap

Real Madrid have it all to do away from home. They’re a goal down, with City two away goals to the good. This is their Everest, but can they reach the UCL summit this year?

It looked as though things might swing Real’s way in the first leg, when Isco swept home to complete a fine team move. But Gabriel Jesus was alert to Kevin De Bruyne’s cross, nodding home to restore parity.

Raheem Sterling then went down in the box, and the ever reliable KDB sent the keeper the wrong way, and buried the resulting penalty. Turnaround.

Form

Real may have drawn to minnows Leganes on the final day of La Liga, but they had already clinched the title by then. City, meanwhile, have won four of their last five fixtures, keeping three clean sheets. 

They’ll enter this with confidence, but don’t expect them to sit deep and wait for Real to attack. When you’ve got Pep Guardiola at the helm, that just ain’t happening. No way, Jose #shade.

Player to watch and his cars

Uff, so many to choose from in this fixture. Do we go with Midfield Maestro KDB? The Battle-Hardened Sergio Ramos? Model citizen Raheem Sterling?

They’re all worthy, but I think it’s only right to pay tribute to one of the Premier League’s best players of the last decade. I’m of course talking about the magician, the mercurial, David ‘Merlin’ Silva.

He joined from Valencia in 2010, and has been at the heart of everything positive that’s come out of this City side, breaking up play, dictating the tempo, creating chances, assisting and scoring, too.

Silva’s been spotted in a Bentley Continental GT. It’s the perfect autofication of a David Silva, emphasising elegance, performance and durability. He can glide gracefully across the asphalt, and when he does need to put the turbos on to get past defenders, the Continental embraces its GT badge, getting him from 0 to 100 km/h in just 3.6 seconds. 

Thanks for the memories, El Mago.

Bayern Munich Vs Chelsea

When and where: Football Arena Munich, Saturday 08/08/2020 at 23:00 GST

First Leg Recap

3 away goals and a Serge Gnabry special. That was the first leg in a nutshell. Bayern showed ruthless pace, power and precision to put the Blues to the sword, the pick of which has to be 19-year-old Alphonso Davies blitzing into Chelsea’s box and feeding Lewandowski to tap in.

Dear, oh dear.

Form

Spearheaded by their Polish number 9, Bayern Munich have had an absolute romp in the park, cruising to wins in all 5 of their last 5 fixtures scoring an average of almost 3 goals a game.

Chelsea, conversely, have had a mixed bag, impressing against Manchester United and Wolves, but coming apart at the seams versus Arsenal in the FA Cup final (the Gunners were brilliant, mind you).

With injuries and goalkeeping issues, Frank Lampard needs to come up with a master plan if he’s going to do a Liverpool and turn this one around.

Player to watch and his cars

Lewandowski is the obvious choice here with 51 goals from 43 appearances in all competitions this season.

But we’re going to go with N’golo Kante, who should be fit and ready to feature in Lampard’s injury-ridden XI come Saturday.

On his day, Kante can do it on his own. His work rate is immense, and he can put them away, too, when called upon. He was integral to Leicester’s 2015 winning campaign, and has consistently put in performance after performance.

Despite having an injury-hit season, making just 23 starts, Lamps will be glad to have Kante available, even though he’s apparently transfer-listed the midfield engine to fund a move for Leverkusen ace, Kai Havertz.

Known for being humble and very much down to Earth, Kante drove himself to and from practice in a modest Mini Cooper for five years, even taking it in for dent repairs after a minor accident in London.

Only recently did he rock up to training in a more glamorous Mercedes-Benz that wouldn’t have eaten much into his reported £290,000 a week wages.

Barcelona Vs Napoli

When and where: Camp Nou, Saturday 08/08/2020 at 23:00 GST

First Leg Recap

Dries Mertens scored an absolute peach, curling one in from just outside the area to give Napoli the lead, only for Nelson Semedo to beat the offside trap and set Antoine Griezmann up for the equaliser.

Barcelona held on with 10-men at the death to take an away goal advantage as the reverse fixture moves to the Nou Camp.

Form

Barcelona encountered a disappointing collapse in the run-in to La Liga, slipping into second place behind arch rivals Real Madrid. They have, however, won four of their last five fixtures, although some of those have been rather quite scrappy.

Napoli, meanwhile, failed to mount a serious Serie A title challenge, overshadowed, perhaps, by the resurgence of both Lazio and Atalanta, both of whom were rewarded for their efforts with places in next years Champions League.

They’re going to have to dig deep to stop Barca from progressing. After all, one does not simply walk into the Camp Nou and come away unscathed.

Player to watch and his cars

There can be only one. Ansu Fati. Made you look. Ansu certainly is Barca’s next big thing, but nobody can deny that we’ll all be tuning in with interest to watch arguably the greatest player of all time, Lionel Messi.

Messi’s 25 goals in La Liga were enough to take home a record seventh Pichichi. Add to that 22 league assists, and you can see exactly why he’s right up there at the very top of football’s highest echelons.

Leo Messi loves his sports cars, that’s for sure. He doesn’t flaunt them on social media the way CR7 does, but he has been spotted cruising around the Catalan Capital in a fair few fancies.

Among them is a Ferrari F430 Spider, a Maserati Granturismo MC Stradale, 3 Audis, a Mini Cooper S Cabriolet and Pagani Zonda track car.

There’s a rumor that he outbid CR7 for a rare 1957 Ferrari 335 S Spider Scaglietti at an auction, although when asked to confirm this, La Pulga had this to say:

GOAT on and off the field, anyone?

So that’s it, Mikaniki’s guide to the Champions League round of 16. Who’s your favourite to win Europe’s elite competition?

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